Category Archives: Health & Wellness

So Stupid It’s Smart!

It’s time for a break from all the doom & gloom in which I’ve been wallowing lately.  Join me as I poke holes in the newest golden calf that I am sure we all love to mock: the “smartening” of common everyday items.

Bottom line up front: any product or service with the word “smart” in the title is most assuredly something so idiotic that no one with an IQ above room temperature would go anywhere near it.

First up: Smart “Food”.

smartpopcorn

OK, so it’s neither smart nor is it food.  It’s just popcorn – one of the highest margin snacks on the planet.  Obviously, it’s not the people eating this stuff who are “smart” but rather the marketing geniuses who invented this product (which isn’t even GMO-free).

Next: Smart Water.

smarth20

Bottled water is a scamSmart people know that.  So dumb people continue to drink the stuff (some of which can be very expensive) hoping that it makes them smarter.  Good luck with that!

Then there’s one of my all-time favorite absurdities: The Smart Car.

smartride

Listen – you should have to increase your life insurance rates just to get in one of these glorified golf carts let alone actually drive one on public roadways.  This thing is a deathtrap.  My Ram 1500 would roll right over the top of a Smart Car and I probably wouldn’t even spill any of my Smart Water while doing it.  But never fear – Darwin was right about everything, including Smart Car owners.  Say goodbye to the gene pool smarties!

Next.  Guns are tools.  It’s people who are smart (or dumb), right?

smartgat

Right (duh).  But that fact didn’t stop some (no doubt) really smart guy from inventing a gun that only works when being held by someone wearing the matching watch-thingie that controls its operation like an electric “key”.  The “Smart Gun” is so uselessly dumb on so many levels I can’t even begin to mock it adequately.  One can only imagine how many clueless Progressives and Social Justice Warriors there are out there who think that all the needless killing would end tomorrow if all our guns worked like thisWon’t somebody think of the children? <sniff>

The last three stupidly smart things go together because they all depend on public digital networks (aka “The Matrix”).

Smart house flat illustration concept

“Smart House” – (n.) Needless complication and technological dependence in service of convenience.

Don’t you want a “smart house”?  No?  What are you?  Dumb??!!  Everybody knows it’ll be a better world when we can all remotely adjust our thermostats (and close our garage doors, and set our home alarm system, and turn off lights, and freak the shit out of our cats and dogs in the process) with our cell phones while we are at work.  Why?  Because it will relieve us of the stress of having to worry about whether we did these things with our ACTUAL HANDS while we were still IN our houses.

Of course, if you can control your home from afar then I guarantee you I can too!  Oh what fun it will be to screw with every “smart” appliance in your crib.  Welcome to the “Internet Of Things” suckers.

dumbmeter

True story: when my local power utility recently adopted “Smart Meters”, I opted out.  They actually trespassed on my property to install this demonic device – which I swear pumped out so much radio frequency energy it made my fillings hum – so I sent them a nasty letter and demanded that they come back and remove it.  And they did.  Buy they sulked about how me exercising free will over my own property would prevent me from “realizing savings by having real-time usage data” at my fingertips.  I laughed because what they really wanted was the ability to remotely control my home’s electrical grid, including all major smart grid-compatible appliances I might have within.  I hate Statists, Collectivists, and Progressives with an equally white hot fiery passion and now you can add utility companies to that list.  No, you do not get to tell me what is good for me.  Now go away.

And last, but certainly not least, is the most beloved gadget in all of Murka: the Smart Phone.

cellphone_zombie_apocalypse_19

I could, and still might, write several blog posts about how colossally dumb smart phones are.  But they are so pernicious in how they’ve wormed their way into our lives that now no one views them with anything other than total and unreserved adoration.  Fact time.  Smart phones kill thousands of people a year, ruin our sleep, destroy our ability to make and retain new memories, and have reduced most of the population to drooling shambling zombified idiots.  And worst of all, carrying a smart phone makes tracking your daily routine – including where you go, how much you spend and on what, who you talk to, and what you do on the Internet – easier than ever.  That’s right, it’s NOT just a phone!  It’s a super-accurate electronic leash and guess who is holding the other end.

As I am so famous for pointing out as I move among the herd: Smart Phones are (still) 100% optional.  Contrary to what “they” are telling you, you don’t need a smart phone to survive.  Heck, you don’t even need one to be a normal, healthy, happy, successful and fully-functioning member of society.  How do I know?  BECAUSE I DON’T OWN ONE!  And I am the most normal, most healthy, happiest, and least messed-up person I know.  Coincidence?  I don’t think so…

newspeak

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying I’m “smarter” because I avoid things with “smart” in their name.  But I have read Orwell and I know what Newspeak is.  And it is all around us.  “Common Sense Gun Control” is Newspeak, so is “Affordable Care Act”.

Do whatever you want with all this smart stuff.  It is still a “free country” (more Newspeak?) for at least a few more months anyways.  But be aware that you are being lied to constantly.  Also you are being manipulated in multiple hidden ways.  Things are being promised to you that simply aren’t being delivered.  Take smart phone usage for instance.  There isn’t one single thing you can do on that thing that I can’t do better with an old landline telephone, an up-to-date road atlas, an actual camera, and a current desktop personal computer connected to fast fiber.  So stop lying to yourself and stop lying to me about how much that Hershey bar-shaped thing in your pocket has “improved” your life.

We know we’re smart.  We don’t need all these stupid things around us constantly reminding us!

 

 

 

 

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What? Me Panic?

Klain

So it’s officially Ebola season. Hurray! You know the Chosen Ones are serious when they appoint a “Czar” to (mis)manage the response to a crisis. And it’s always worked so well before…

duncan

What do we know about this virus? Well, we know that we can’t trust anybody in charge to make correct decisions. But don’t panic – if you’ve been prepping properly, you will survive this just fine.

First step: get educated. I highly recommend Richard Preston’s 1994 book “The Hot Zone”. I read it when it came out and it scared the crap out of me. It also made me instantly the smartest person in the room whenever the topic of Ebola came up in casual conversation (and doesn’t it always come up eventually?) Twenty years later, I made myself read it again and then passed my copy around to everybody I know who gives a damn. Be smart and get your own copy (used paperbacks are only a buck or two on amazon) and start reading it pronto.

Next step: keep an eye on current events. Notice I didn’t say “Watch/read the news”? That’s because it’s almost all lies and disinformation. There is quite obviously an agenda behind our government’s response to this disaster and I’m not convinced it’s totally righteous.

Right now “panicking” would be a much more prudent course of action than relaxing. If you “panic” you will be skeptical of the public health system’s “plan”; you will resist (violently if necessary) resettlement in quarantine camps; you will stay more than ten feet away from strangers, especially West Africans; you will abandon silly social customs like handshaking, kissing and hugging; you will know when to stay home from work and when to keep the kids out of school; you will buy a few extra masks, some bleach, plastic sheeting; you will think twice before getting on a crowded airliner to go see Grandma at Thanksgiving/Christmas; etc. I know you’re smarter than that. You know where to look this stuff up.

If you “panic” you might still be alive when the virus finally dies out a few years from now. Stop for a second a go to the link in the previous sentence. Read it all. That’s what we are in for. Advances in science and medicine are totally cancelled out by the speed and distances of jet travel combined with a human species that is more heavily urbanized and densely packed than ever before in history. Will Ebola kill 3-5% of the world’s population just like the Spanish Flu did in 1918? That seems totally plausible to me.

ERT

In the meantime, watch as the system strains to stay two steps behind good old Mother Nature. Stay well, stay smart, and stay alive!


The ABCs of MREs

MRE
Few things satisfy like a “Meal Ready To Eat” or “MRE“. OK, let me rephrase: few things satisfy after a sweaty 20-mile hump under a loaded ruck like an MRE.

So maybe you’re like most adventurous outdoorsy prepper types and have eaten a few “Mister E’s” (get it?), but do you know everything there is to know about the shelf life, proper storage, and safe use of MRE’s?

Knowledge is here.


What, ME Worry?

Al

Since it appears all but certain now that I am totally surrounded by empty-headed Murkans that can’t be bothered about all the creepy stuff that’s out there trying to maim, poison, imprison, terrorize, or kill us; I have decided to call it quits.

I have failed to convince even the less stupid people I know that we have a big, big problem on our hands. Like Alfred E. Neuman, you all just want to stick your heads back in the sand (or in the TV, or -more likely- in your damn “smart” phones) and proceed in blissful ignorance.

couchtater2

And you know what? That’s fine with me! I can do “fat, dumb, and happy” just as good as the next guy.

hippie

Everything’s going to be just fine. Prepping is for paranoid suckers with more money than brains. Those preppers are all just closet hippies anyways…probably dope smokers too. Why else would they need all that privacy?

couchtater

Now pass me those pop tarts and give me that remote. I need to tweet me some peeps!


Refuse! Resist! Revolt!

Refuse!  Resist!  Revolt!

I will not voluntarily comply with any part of the ACA (“Obamacare”).

Will you? And if so, why?


GMOs Blasted In The Mainstream Media!

gmo-tumors

This story is a really big deal and it’s no surprise which network decided to swim against the current and attempt to wake the flock up.

frankencorn

I’ve said it before and I’ll keep hammering it home until my fingers fall off: if you’re not eating organic food, you are killing yourself. Feeding GMO-containing food to your family, friends, and pets is unconscionable. If you are guilty, just stop. If you can’t find the GMO-containing food – which is understandable considering the govt has been paid to NOT support labeling – here’s a list. Don’t eat anything on that list unless you are ready to accept the consequences.

gmotumors

Between the GMOs, the vaccines, the fluoride, the mercury, the chlorine, the smart meters, and the cell phones, it’s no small wonder that any of us are still alive.

The program? Depopulation on a scale never before seen.

The target? You and me.


A Massive Rhyme Is Coming

Please take a few minutes and watch this mini-documentary.

Here’s what’s coming: another wave of class-action lawsuits against cell phone manufacturers for failure to warn of hazards culminating in a multi-billion dollar settlement just like we saw with Big Tobacco 15 years ago.

Smart-Phones-are-Dumb

I will never own a “smart” phone but I realize many (if not all of you) do own one. In fact, most of you can’t live your multitasked, internet-connected, overstimulated 21st Century schizoid lives without that gadget in your pocket. Just don’t expect me to join the herd on this. My eyes are open. I know what a sub-cranial glioma is and I’ve known people who’ve suffered and died from them. No thanks!

glioma

Next step: line up the CEOs of Motorola, Nokia, Apple, and Samsung and make them swear before a Congressional committee that their products are safe. Then sue the crap out of them for perjury.


Obummercare?

Obummercare?

Things are going swimmingly at the big government health care “marketplaces”. Millions of happy citizen-customers are signing up for overpriced and under-equipped insurance. Stop on by and join the fun!

Personally, I’ve never felt healthier. It’s been over five years since I’ve stepped foot in a pill-pusher–I mean doctor’s–office. And I don’t plan to start visiting one any time soon. What’s my secret? Good genes and clean living. Basically, I don’t treat my body like a rental car*. You shouldn’t either. You only get one you know…

launch

But it thrills me to no end to know that our elected (and unelected) overlords are looking out for our less well countrymen…and sticking them with a big fat bill!

noflushot

*OK, I’ll reveal one of my healthcare secrets: I don’t get vaccines or shots of any kind. Most quacks–I mean doctors–will be the first to tell you that a) not all of the population requires vaccination/immunization for it to be successful; and b) if you are not in a high-risk demographic, you’ll likely be fine without a shot.

The choice is clear: stay healthy and say “no thanks” to needles, or continue down the path of sickness-by-choice and letting other people make the big decisions for you.