Murkans are big, dumb, ugly people who guzzle corn syrup while slapping “Support Our Troops” magnets on their big, dumb, ugly SUVs as they salute their big, dumb, ugly leaders who suggest that the best way to respond to a terrorist attack is to go shopping. If you are reading this blog, there’s a better than 50-50 chance that you are not a Murkan. You see, Murkans don’t read much of anything at all…they’re too busy watching TV.
Murka is the big, dumb, ugly place where Murkans live out their big, dumb, ugly lives. Murka has done a lot of bad things in the past that Murkans don’t like to think about. Not thinking about those bad things is the same as not doing anything to prevent them from being repeated.
68 years ago today, Murka murdered about 40,000 innocent civilians with a new kind of bomb (ironically) called “Fat Man”.
You see, by early August 1945, Murka had WWII in the bag, Tokyo had been burned to the ground, and a Japanese surrender was due at any minute. Earlier this week 68 years ago, Murka had already murdered about 80,000 innocent people with it’s first big, dumb, ugly bomb. The hidden history Murkans don’t learn in school is that Hiroshima and Nagasaki had nothing to do with killing Japanese or hastening the end of WWII. Rather it was all about intimidating those godless communist Russkies into stopping in their tracks out of fear. Fear of Murka’s big, dumb, ugly nukular bombs. Of course, the secret was that, by August 10th 1945, we were all out of bombs. But Truman’s bluff paid off and we started out the Cold War in a pretty good strategic position (until some traitors helped the Soviets build their own bomb four years later.) So, it could be argued that both Hiroshima and Nagasaki were pointless exercises in big, dumb, ugly cold-blooded murder.
Fast forward to today. If you aren’t ashamed of Murka and Murkans, you simply aren’t watching enough news. This country is messing up everywhere and doing it in royal fashion. The debacle started in the mid-60’s with that big, dumb, ugly douchebag LBJ and has steadily accelerated ever since. I’ve suffered (mostly in private) my own kind of humiliation over my country for the past decade. Invading Iraq was the dumbest, most Murkan, thing I’ve ever seen my country do. Attempting to conquer the unconquerable shithole of Afghanistan has been a close second. The big, dumb, ugly piles of body bags that have come home from those two big, dumb, ugly wars make me weep tears of bitterness. And the way we let our elected and unelected officials walk all over us and abuse our liberty makes my blood boil. When I look around and see nothing but millions of Murkans who couldn’t care less, I’m tempted to give up and stop caring too.
So why all the Murka-hating rage? And what happened to that flag-waving patriotic spirit? It all went out the window the day I found out I had been labeled a “terrorist” by my own government. I’ve blogged about it before, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise. But, yeah, I’m basically your garden-variety insurgent, a “dangerous” political dissident, and a “terrorist”. You probably are too.
Is there anything left to be proud of? I can’t think of any (if you can, I’m all ears!) The two greatest things this country ever did – drafting the finest Constitution in history and traveling to the Moon – have both been rendered meaningless by Murkan governmental abuse, stupidity, and corruption. We now have no manned space program whatsoever and we now care not one whit for the supreme law of the land.
As Private Hudson (Bill Paxton) famously said in “Aliens”: “Game over man!” All that’s left for us now is to watch the whole ridiculous charade of Murkan “democracy” collapse into its own footprint and hope we don’t get hit by flying debris.
Before I leave you to mull over these dismal thoughts, I’d like you to watch this. And then read this. May they disillusion you from any continued classical Murkan pipedreams about our exceptionalism and “greatness”. Murka is no more than one big, dumb, and ugly stain on the map. May it get wiped up soon.